Life is full of hard things.
I made a statement elsewhere, and then someone shared their own story and I couldn’t even read through it all right then because it just made me cry even more that day. A sadness for different reasons, or maybe some of the same.
If we feel “destroyed” I wonder if the destruction will bring about glorious things, or will help with some healing, or if it just hangs there. Does working through the messy and painful things bring about a Phoenix resurrection? Do we want that? Need that? Or can it just be getting to the other side is enough? See, my ponderings just drag me along and pick up more ponderings.
I wrote the following in a group I am in … ” I am so ready to stop living a life of “accomplishing hard things.”
Is that even possible.? To stop living a life of accomplishing hard things? If we have not chosen those very things to begin with? Whether they come from something not working right within us, or within someone whom we care about, are responsible for, brought into the world?
There are a few “hard thing” circumstances I can opt out of with little hardship to me, even though it would temporarily cause issues for others (and probable guilt for me), like the being part of an organization or a job. I can step out of a position and leave them to find someone else, to complete the things I have started/pushed for/encouraged consideration of … and it would create some areas of difficulty, but not life altering in reality.
BUT, what about the other things. I left a hard marriage for safety and a different set of “hard” that I had some control over, or at least options within that had more favorable potential for me and my kids.
I suppose we can opt out emotionally or mentally and sit out the hard things, instead of working through them. We can drink, drug, eat, … our way out of the reality of them by creating a false reality that ignores it all, or distracts from them.
What I really want to do, is sit and watch Netflix, read books, and not be bothered in my doing so. No housework until I come up for a break, no conversations unless I feel like talking, no problem solving, no playing mediator, no responsibility. Just waking up when I want and not because I have to go to the bathroom, or someone needs me, or an appointment beckons …
BUT, I am an adult. I am a spouse. I am a parent. I participate in different organizations, I am … I chose … I have responsibilities. Some of the hard things are part and parcel of that all. So, I guess my choice boils down to “accomplishing” or “neglecting”? It’s not even about success and failure, but so many intangible things, and important things, and necessary things, and even some desired things that get all tangled and twisted and make things hard.
I am still wishing I could have less hard things in my life, though. Few or none, because all that could be accomplished, should be accomplished, has to be accomplished are completed and only soft things were left.
Does that make sense?
I do wonder, though, if having a life of few or no hard things, would be a life fully lived, with a full appreciation for the easier days?